those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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