I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize