I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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