I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
