I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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