Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
