i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
