weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
