Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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