You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
