it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
