Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
