A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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