I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize