also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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