Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
