It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
