I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
