JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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