How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i may or may not be watching the land before time
please come you make the beer taste better
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
