Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Randomize
