38 yer olds are good kisserssss
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
