I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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