oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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