I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
