Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I pour the whiskey from now on
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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