me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
