so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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