I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Do vagina's smell?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
