Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
