She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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