Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize