I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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