he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
