No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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