This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
