you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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