Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
