turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He better not be in your backpack
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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