O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
