at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Oh god it's open bar.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
