we're blogging at a bar
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
