you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
jump out the window naked night went bad
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
