Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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