break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
