2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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