After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
