so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
