Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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