is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
