If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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