i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize