the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
