So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
