God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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