guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
