So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
