I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
