Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize