I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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