i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
