just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
