He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
