wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
it hurts more in the daytime
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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