Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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