I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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