how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Mom said you looked used
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
