Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
