i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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