So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
BRING THE BAGELS
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
