Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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