Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
