i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
