Your dad touched me again.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
