Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
