oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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