So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize