I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
