Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
