i jhust puked up my retainher.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
