Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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