I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize