i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
