I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
