I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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