You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
