...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
