you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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