please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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