it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
