dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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