What a fucking waste of an outfit
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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