I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
