just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
