Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
