i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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