if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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