So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Where is the hickey?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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