1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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