Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize