You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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