Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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