I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
