Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
