Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
