you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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