Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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