Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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