ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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