It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
