i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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