just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
