obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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